Worth it.

Now the Intrawebs sure offers some great meetings.
It seems to be a continuing thing that a certain type of person finds what I write highly provocative. Maybe it's not so much the actual content of what I write as much as the simple fact that I do it with a fairly positive approach. Maybe I'm just one of those people who triggers the inner bully with some?

Check this out, it's a thing I got on my FaceBook the other day:

"Joe El-MusoApril 4, 2010 at 9:20pm

Subject: Tell me something...
I've been watching your posts lately as part of my own little 'social experiment'.
What I'm noticing is that no matter what you say...no matter what you do...
no matter what you post...your people will ALWAYS agree with you or give you
praise for what you are doing. You know this. I know this. They know this.
My question is this: what makes you continue? Why would you constantly want to hear
a bunch of dick-sucking with nobody putting in their true opinion? Why would you want
to always have people agree with you no matter what you said?
And don't take this the wrong way. I'm not taking a stab at you, I'm just into studying
human nature and your situation is a new meat to me..."

Now this kid has jumped into a previous discussion thread, trolling like some folks do. What I can't help finding amazing is "Why?" What gives? What is the reward in getting on someone you don't know, over comments from people one doesn't know, with no previous knowledge of previous history etc.

I mean seriously. It is a true mystery to me. Why the hyper-negativity?

This guy in the example above is obviously low-empathy with psycho-social tendencies, but how come there are so many of them? And especially in the US...

I remember one troll a couple of years ago that I ended up getting the cops involved, tracing him to the University of South Carolina, where he was a student. I held back from pressing charges, but the sheer stupidity brought about by the illusion of anonymity of the internet. Threats, innuendo or general bullying...

Mostly I try keeping a positive attitude, it doesn't really hurt in a world where we are so frail. Now for some reason it seems this is hard to trust or accept for a great deal of people. I wish there was a way to actually reach across to people who are so easily upset.

Somehow, I'm not sure there is.

When I was a kid I truly lived in fear and a deep sense of abandonment. I was abused, in pretty much every way a child can be abused. And I remember very clearly the general outlook I had on pretty much everything by the age of 9.

It's no understatement to say my perspective was pretty fucking bleak. To this day, still, I live with the effects of disfunctionality every single day of my life. There not much more I can do about it than accept. I go to my therapy sessions. I go to my group-meetings. And I apply what I learn to my daily reality.

It's like starting all over.

I'm giving myself what the adults in my childhood couldn't. I'm relearning, and reclaiming my own humanity. It's very painful. But there is something so relieving and soothing in the continuation of this work. Every single day I get my old perceptions and points of view smashed to pieces and ground down to dust, only to find that; Love is not an illusion. That care actually does exist.That being willfully kind gives positive results. That listening to someone-else without interfering is creative. That slow paced living truly brings me balance and enjoyment in a way I thought was utter bullshit fairy-tales when I was 23.

So I feel for all these angry resentful fuckers out there. I used to be one. I didn't even know what life had qualities. It was a very very lonely life.

Back then everyone I saw where pawns. Simply tools to get me what I was trying to get. I was truly manipulative and devious. On a general note I used to hate the so-called "Ironic"generation for their naivity. As a matter of fact, I hated pretty much everyone and everything. In my head I was justified. In my head I was hard proof that everything and everyone was completely utterly beyond any redemption and truly fucked.

I was wrong.

I am gratful for every second of shame. Every moment of deepest hatred. Each single moment of despair. Each thought of suicide, every anxiety attack, every self erradicating attempted overdose/suicide, each sexual-over-the-top-gone-too-far-excersise-leading to further selfhatred/disgust.

I. Am. Grateful.

With all of it, I would not be me.

Someone may believe there is a point to cynicism, that there may be some sort of pupose to it.

I say that's qualified pure grade-A bullshit.

Every once I a while I am priviliged enough to meet someone I can identify with on a deeper level. It is a rare thing, but to meet another human being who like me has come through the ugliest things man are capable of and found their humanity. That alone is enough for me to feel good about life.

Please friends. And I'm not fucking with you here; Life is good. Cheer up. Unless you are in a South African prison with you teeth knocked out for bettering your cock-sucking skills, you are in a pretty good spot for a great day. The sun is gonna keep shining a good while longer, even when there are clouds. The rain won't bring most of us down a landslide, and even if it does; As long as we breathe; There really is hope. Because being human is a great and beautiful thing. We have incredible capacities on so many levels. We are all like seeds waiting for something to get us going, to help us start growing to who we can truly be.

I know.

Some of you will think "That's pretty cheesy dude." There's nothing cheesy about it. Cheesy, lame, passive, weak. pale, boring, pointless and downright dumb is not doing something about the life you are given. Because knowledge will lift you to heights you never thought possible, and then simply keep lifting you.

A positive attitude is where it starts. To say to yourself; "I am good, I can learn!" leads to more life.

You are worth it, and so am I.

Peace! / Peter