Homos are gay

I'm 40, I'm fucking sick of all the judgemental sexist and homophobic crap
I hear and read and see around on a daily basis.

It's not likely that I could ever change the world. However, one more person actually speaking openly about whatever it may be can at least share a bit of humanity. Right?

I've been asked to sing at the HBT-galaparty on may 12th and I'm looking forward to it. Me, big, hairy, bearded, as remote from the effeminate "Queer"-theory world gets, at least at a quick glance.

Why the hell I have been asked to participate?

Probably because I care. Because I have an opinion and I know it matters. I'm sure someone's going to have questions, "Are you a fag? Singing for gays?"

Grind jesters Anal Cunt had it right the first time; "Everything is gay!"

I am me. And that's where I think it all starts. Personally I have come to understand that the person I percieve myself as, inside and as a being, is really none of your fucking business, I have MY sexuality.

It's not a part of some square little box, or identikit-reality. I am human. End of story. If I like doing handstands with midgets painted green lowering MILF Shemales with a giant crane into my lubed ass, singing Liza Minelli-tunes in italian; In the end, it's nobodys business but mine, the midgets and the Shemale MILF involved.

Personally I feel it is a human right to get such a strong sense of identity that we simply refuse to lock ourselves into the gender-based clusterfuck Queer-theorists call hetero-normativity.

Sex should be a celebration of mutual appreciation and respect. If that means pissing in echothers mouths, shoving locomotive size dildos into every orifice on the human body or simply holding eachother in a close embrace, as it's an act between consenting adults I say; Go!

Seriously; The entire concept of Sexual identity has got to move on.

The frontlines of sexual liberation in 2010, has moved on from Stonewall or crossdressers hangin out at Max's in NY in the early 70's.

Still dysfunctional behavioural patterns, fear, ignorance, religion with moral rules that grasp
onto the last straws of fundamentalist traditions and over the last 15 years I've watched the gay-movement do very little than dig itself deeper into the same trenches it was holding back in 1974.

I mean for fucks sake people! Same-gender marriage says very little about human rights if the people who get married have mutilated themselves emotionally to function in society as a whole.

Personally I think punk rock and hardcore-bands have done more for the acceptance of humanism over this time than any stereotype limpwrist fabulous hairdresser/stylist in the world.

I work in an extremely homophobic enviroment, yet some of it's greatest icons, people like
Rob Halford of Judas Priest, Dave Vincent of Mordbid Angel, Dave Dictor of MillionsofDeadCops Jello Biafra of Dead Kennedys or Freddie Mercury of giants Queen are and were all men who like having sex with other men. They never really made a big deal out of it. Everyone else seemed to think it meant the world.

Personally I'm sickened by how dumb, false, bigotted and utterly selfdestructive "Male" identity in general really is.

We are a bunch of monkeys rushing through space on a rock, at a velocity so magnificent that it's simply miraculous that we can even remain on it. And what do we do?

We choose to live our lives like actors in spectacles from different, way more idiotic times. Pretending so hard that we eventually believe ourselves.

I ask myself; What am I, really?

Am I truly as simple-minded as my image of Manliness implies?
Am I really as violently competitive? Ridiculously territorial?
Am I incapable of emotionally connecting to my children or even myself?

Am I a lousy cook, incapable of cleaning my own clothes, my own house?
Is my basic responses to threat, fear, uncertainty and outrage really true, or just superficial reaction?
Am I truly as fearful as what I find when I begin looking?

Not really.

What I see when I travel around the world are Human Beings Human.

And at the same time we act our ridiculous little parts, preset identigames to keep social interactions "safe".

So what is it that matters in this need to manifest our sexuality in how we act? Where is the weakness in sharing your body with another human being? What is the basis for valuing the traits of physical appearance and appendages? And why is it so provocative to some people that other people do things differentlty than the next guy(or girl)?

I don't get it. I don't.

Even knowing all the psychological explanations. It's just retarded.

I grew up reading crappy stuff like Biggles or Ten Bullets For Colby, but pretty quickly moved on to Norman Mailer, Ernest Hemingway and the Hornblower-books. Hardboiled dramatic stories of heroic, strong, lonely, stoic men who gave up everything for a higher cause. Sacrificing themselves on the glorious altar of MEN MEN MANLY MEN. But I never could get my head around how it seemed OK to live like a fucking tool, an animal with a gun; Yet not OK to dress like Tom Of Finlands Super-cops, with cocks the size of thighs and drink someone elses urine for fun. It's really not that different.

When it comes down to it, the whole Men-At-War, Brothers In Arms-thing is pretty fucking homoerotic if one looks at it with a critical eye, it lacks the obvious sexscenes, but still.

In Susan Faludi's 1999 book Stiffed there are some very illuminating stories of just how screwed
up being a man from an american point of view seems to be. Living in Sweden very different from living in the US, but these differences are not that big.

Does anyone remember the artist N.E.R.D, had this hit-song a couple of years ago go called "Provider", every time I heard that song I would cringe and my mind went; "What fucking bullshit."

Provider of what? The male identity displayed by hiphop artists in general is hardly a radically evolved such. The nineties and first ten years of the new millenium surely hasn't seen a great deal of evolution on the genderpolitical front. It's the stoneage male self-sacrifical illusion again.

Artists like Lady Blah Blah and Pink are about as revolutionary and provocative as hmmm, Cher. In other words, not at all. We are seeing no change, just continued hypermanifestations of the same old chauvinist bullshit as ever. Homosexual people are supposedly included in this bullshit game, but apparently only if they strip their own individuality down and turn themselves into "Fags". Ridiculous, toothless, simplified fools that won't stand as a threat to anything. Is it just me, or does this seem like a general tendency?

And even with the so called butches. Sexism/Chauvinism all the same. Are we really that shallow?

I kissed a guy when I was 16, and it was great. It turned into nothing, though I honestly think
that if ever there would have been moment in time it would have made sense to get down and dirty, that was definitely one. We spotted each other across the mud, it was summer, one of my first rockfestivals, we were drunk, happy, the sun was setting, one of our favorite bands were playing, we had both had an amazing weekend and we were the best of friends.

We were both kind of shocked by it, and brushed it away. One of us said "What are we doing?" and it turned into nothing. But it was a strong realization that "Wow, apparently not everything is cut in black and white..."

To Be Continued...

Peter